sleep

yea... I should've went to bed at a decent time last night, so I wouldn't have the temptation to sit here at my desk and wish that I could lay my head down and snooze while my boss is in meetings. oops.

why are you so distant now? are you trying to stop our progression?

meh...
sleep...

WAIT FOR IT!

Alright, so I really would like to hear from my potential Job in utah. It would erase some anxiety and some unsuredness that I have right now. I emailed the guy my resume after our conversation like 2 weeks ago. Maybe he just doesn't want me. That could be true, or maybe he's been really busy with all coordinator meetings and moving his office, so its been dificult to get back to me. Either way, if I get the job or I don't get the job. I'm still good. Even though he should hire me, and I would rock his Aflac socks off, if he doesn't... I'm still good.

Hot'n cold. Have you ever had someone in your life like that. Where one day you kind of feel like their version of happiness, and the next day you feel like they could take you or leave you. How does that work. And is it true that guys and girls feel different in relation to distance from their significant other. Like the level of the said "potential love" is different. Just cuz guys can't love a girl that they can't see. Whether its truth or reason... I'm good.

I guess my next question is, where is my heart in relation to my career, cuz I think its been revived and I now love my job again. This could change in like 20 minutes. But I'm feeling like we are making progress, and that makes me really happy. I like not making decisions in the heat of the moment. It is by far the most temperate thing that I've been able to do in the last couple months. I'm stoked for temperance. Its like my stinkin' saving grace! It keeps me from being irrational. I'm good.

weesh

So... I had a really good day yesterday. Nothing monumental happened. I just... was happy the entire day. I got off work went home and layed on the deck for about an hour, which was pretty much the most relaxing thing ever. I talked to TJ on the phone and told him about whats new with me and how I'm feeling about things, I'm not positive how everything is going to work out. But I'm positive that with patience, God's plans can come to pass. I just have to wait on the Lord. And I am so willing to do that. I'm happy. I know things are going to be ok.

I have been studying out of "Preach My Gospel" lately and it has totally stoked my furnace for life. Since my study of the gospel has grown a little bit in depth I have found that my peace in usually annoying or turbulent situations has grown as well. My joy is full. My peace is steady. Its good. I have also started praying on my knees in the morning- its made all the difference this week. I just feel like I'm starting each day walking in the right direction. There is definately something to be said for that.

My family has been going through some pretty tough stuff lately. An extended member of my family was a preacher, and it just came out about 6 weeks ago that he is a child molester. My skin crawls just thinking about how twisted that is. It makes absolutely no sense. It has upset a lot of people in my family. Some have already forgiven him and are acting like nothing happened. I think its ok to forgive him, but there are certain cautionary measures that I think need to take place. You can forgive, but I don't think you should forget when the wellbeing of your children is at stake. As a parent it is your responsibility and obligation to protect your children, and not put them in potentially harmful situations. What are these parents thinking? What are these people thinking. Yes, family is important. But should you put your safety on the line? I don't think so. I have a strong pull for justice. I don't know whether that is right or it is wrong. ewe.

I guess we just need to have faith in God and not in the arm of flesh. His work will be done. Everything will work out. I know it.

weekend

So, before I left on friday I decided to say something that would probably make the rest of my time at my job super akward and over step my bounds. I was raised to believe that there really isn't any such thing as authority. Even though there is respect there isn't authority. So voicing a problem to someone when its not your concern, really doesn't matter, because a problem is problem after all. But I find that when you do that, especially when it concerns their family, they get a little defensive. They get upset with you, and they don't appreciate what you have to say, your voice, or the fact that you even care about what you are talking about. In a sense, they are telling you not to care about a problem, even if it is a problem, because its not your place to care about it. Even if it effects your bonus at the end of the quarter. Even if that bonus is your housing deposit for school next semester. Even if not being in the last place as a Region matters. But I am sorry for what I said. I should've kept my mouth shut. I just want to do a better job. Nod my head and make it better. BLEH.

My weekend was good though. I had a bonfire at my house on friday and it was pretty awesome. And I almost burnt my toes off. I have this habbit of throwing logs onto the fire and then watching them roll off. How nice! I have this habbit of eating far too many smores and putting all my hard work running to the trash can. oh well. s'mores are good :) Saturday- I don't remember saturday, I spent chilling at my house, and thinking a little too much. But then in the evening I went to my sisters and we played skipbo, the game of champs! I love that game! she beat me though. but its all good. Sunday my friend josh came to church with me and thats alright. I like it when people come to church with me. I then spent the rest of the day at the lake with my family and played some cards, and got bit by bugs. :) Following the cards I went to stay with my friend Shauna for the remainder of the weekend. We camped out. And had a really amazing time! Yay for backyard tent camping!

Thats my weekend in a nutshell. Oh yes, and I fell in love with someone who is absolutely not here. And I'm not with him. And I'm super terrified. Love is scary thing. But I guess that really doesn't matter. You're supposed to take it one step at a time. and I think thats what I'm doing. I very well could get hurt. But I'm going to forget that I've ever been hurt in the past and just love. or atleast try anyhow. here it goes...