Life after Life

So I haven't written here for like, ever. But hopefully that doesn't stay the case, because for some reason blogging is scarily therapeutic. For some reason writing all my secrets down in a journal doesn't do it for me like blogging. So, looks like this is the place. For all my dirty laundry to be hung on the internet for strangers and creepers alike to read. About a year ago I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. Since then I have suffered lots of sickness and pushed through to healthier times and then went back and forth which has been ultimately frustrating. The most frustrating thing is not feeling confident in my work. I've finally finished my associates in generals and I'm ready to move into my major and get my bachelor's but that is not an option right now. I am working my husband through school and he's not working. I have taken a few promotions at work. Which would be a good thing in a normal circumstance. but my new position causes a lot of stress which therefor causes pain. and I'm not a huge fan of that- and making myself work through the sickness and the pain. So my quesiton is to other fibro sufferers: Did you work through it, and were you able to heal yourself while you worked? or did you have to do it a different way. Did you sacrifice all that is happy and change your lifestyle to a point that you feel good- even though you never eat sugar or cheeseburgers?

nothing about nothing

True Story, I haven't blogged in like a years time. But, hey- who's really worrying about it. New things: Just celebrated 1 year of being married to the most magnificent boy ever. I just got a job promo. I have one class until all my generals are done. Can't decide if I should do two more classes the next semester and get a certificate in accounting, or just move on in my education. So... there was this ginormo red spider in my house today, I sprayed it but it ran away so I have no idea where it is or if its alive. I'm absolutely terrified. Married life is way less dramatic than single life, and for that I am absolutely grateful. We went to bear lake over the weekend and we went paddle boarding which was a blast and once we got to a deeper section we jumped off and swam <3 So I put off pintrest for the longest time, but it eventually got me. I only printrest once a week or so. So its not as overbearing at facebook or anything, thank goodness. As I've started paying attention to politics and the news over the course of the last several months, I've lost all hope in humanity. People are so polarized that nothing good is ever going to come of it. Our leaders are just going to ping pong back and forth until our nation is in aboslute chaos. I might move to Canada. But its really cold there so probably not. Welp. Thats all I've got. Super Random. Super Short.

what's all the fuss about

Political news has really been firing me up lately. I don't even know how to truly describe it. When I heard Romney was running for president again, I was annoyed. Now that I see how much the world is poking at his campaign through his religion, I'm beyond that. What people don't understand, is that the majority of christians who hold the bible to be true, have a "history" of all of the same practices. Any practice that has been done by a member of the church of jesus christ of latter day saints, has been done in a bible story and protrayed as "good". Different things are done at different times for reasons that we don't particularly understand. I think that, interestingly enough, the media has done a fair job of posting these points unbiased. Its taking biased opinions and posting them as the writer just kind of is the vehicle to get these opinons read or heard.
Either way... Its shoving anti mormon down their throat- through falsehoods and twisted perceptions...
Interestingly enough in the past two general conferences the church has really pushed for good media by asking members to not be afraid to share their beliefs online.
Could it be that through revelation they know we would need the head start if something like this would occur.
What I hate more than a lie is a half truth twisted.

honesty

Is it really the best policy- or does it just piss people off?

I'm not sure. Because when I ask a question and someone answers honestly without intent to hurt me, yet the truth does- I'd prefer it. But somehow when the same thing happens in the opposite it seems as though people would prefer a lie. Because when people are honest with me... at least i know they aren't lying and i can appreciate there honesty and then do my best to cope with whatever the truth is and make ammends. But it doesn't seem like that when its the other way. If I'm honest I just piss people off. Because if it involves the third party- I don't keep secrets. I don't protect people from the truth just to get them to do what is right or keep the best possible outcome- even if its difficult. I say, "hey, I've been there- it freakin' sucks but its totally worth it"

But, no. the world prefers lies because the truth is too rude for them.

Common Occurances

Something that I've seen lately that's got me a little worried is the floundering new wife, which is occuring in a lot of my friends lives. I'm observing it indirectly and then kind of analyzing my own feelings. (if you're a new wife and you're doing one of the following it doesn't mean your're experiencing what I'm writing about. If you are doing all of the things that I sugguest then you might be and you should take a minute to think about it)

Pure Observation: New Wife/ New mom
-Hair School... do you really want to do hair? If so, stick with it.
-Selling crappy jewelry that is really overpriced. Why?
-Starting study at home programs that are supposed to take a year and then quitting them after a month or even just a couple weeks.
-Not working, but not momming either

Some of my own feelings:
After I got married a new set of responsibility settled down on my shoulders, and an anxiety also accompanied it for preparation for the future. I felt as though what was expected of me didn't just simply change, but expectation was increased. Even though it had been previously discussed and decided to wait the thought of motherhood came to mind more frequently. (Still waiting- no worries or excitement for the readers)
Choice of specified and intense study needed to occur so that I could assist my husband in making our dreams come true. But which direction was best for us?
These sorts of thoughts and feelings flowed my mind.

All I'm really saying is if these particular women that I'm observing- if they are hurrying from one program to the next without finishing anything they will not be prepared. The importance of making a good, solid, responsible decision is going to impact your abilities later.

1. Do get an education- do find a field or hobby that will enrich your life and your future.
2. Build a strong foundation of service and revelation with your Father in heaven- he will direct thy paths so you don't have to be so far from where you NEED to be.
3. Realize what matters most: Serving the Lord, and your family- the rest can fall away.
4. Take the effort to prepare spiritually so you can hear the promptings of when it is right for you and your husband to start building a bigger family.


obviously, I haven't become any less opinionated. and I suppose if you're running from one thing to the next- if it's keeping you going and happy then maybe that's its purpose. My ranting today is mostly centered to me and how I would like to create my path- you can only know what you experience.

Hater Blockers

Have you ever been completely enveloped in a thought process that you know wasn't the right one for you to be emerged in at this point in your life? Have you ever had to force yourself away from thinking about that one thing? Ugh. My question is why? why does it have to be so tricky to control your mind into being somewhere pleasant? Why, when then world comes crashing down and then something beautiful happens, why are you still thinking about the disaster instead of the beauty. It even happens when the beauty is exponentially bigger than the disaster. I feel like our minds feed off negativity. I hate this.
One thing that I've found that works awesome in temple attendance. I feel as though when we're in the walls of the temple a peace surrounds us and protects us from the evil thought planters and whisperers of our time.
Scripture study, also, if done deep enough offers the same relief. The tricky part is keeping yourself planted firmly in these places.
Prayer changes my position from selfish to selfless. I try to pray often, but I guess the secret is to always have a prayer in your heart. Not ever 4 hours- but always.
I want to increase the amount of awareness that I have of the presence of the holy ghost so much. I want to focus on increasing the spirit in my home. I've done it with art work. I've done it with ambiance. I've done it with music.
A couple weeks ago in relief society the teacher brought up the fact that in the ressurection that we will bind satan with our righteousness. This is something that I find my impatience can work well for. I want to bind satan now. Not in a prideful righteous way- but in a way that I know I am working as absolutely hard as I can. I want to have an A for effort in this pursuit. So, currently, I'm working on a game plan to accomplish this and feed this effort.
I know it can work if I exercise the right amount of faith in christ and in his power.

truth

... This is where I am at.

Looking for something I've never seen- The Fray

Learning new songs on the guitar is SO GOOD- yet strangley, for some reason this is always the time that my nails have grown out in perfection. So i go back and forth : Manicure or new song?

Today it's my birthday and our office was closed so I played pretend. I imagined that I wasn't a student. I wasn't an employee. I wasn't anything but me. and... it's been amazing so far. I had a McGriddle for breakfast= amazing. I cleaned my kitchen and my bathroom. I rearanged my bedroom furniture (once a season to keep things fresh) Some people might think- who would want to torture themselves with housework on such a special day. *ME* I love cleaning. It's so good to me. I relaxed. I danced in my living room in my pajamas. I watched the new episode of Grey's Anatomy and HOLY CRAP it was intense. I ate pasta (i shoul've been italian). and later- thai for dinner, shopping for gifts, and a small gathering with all my besties.



Getting older- 25, in my head means full fledged adult. GROSS!



Never never.