stream of consciousness

~So its friday. and I'm in. :) Why? because I can. Because sometimes a book and photo editing is more enticing than a school dance. Or because sometimes chatting with roomies and eating pizza and laughing is more of what I'm looking for than traxing it all around the town.
just curious- have you ever eaten peanut butter and jam without bread just on a spoon- its pretty freakin delicious. Skippy meets smuckers... yum.
Tomorrow is a busy day. I will be bridal expositioning it up.
I had a really great day for enlightenment. I read stuff and let it roll around and learned probably like 10 new things.
Today I decided to kill the flu. Its been kicking my butt for the last week- but today I kicked its but harder. *sketchy face*
Today: I talked to my mom, my sister, and two friends from back home. I miss my amber waves of grain.
I miss Zach, I'll be honest. He's in vegas with some of his boys and he's at a Weezer concert. I hope that they are screaming lyrics and dancing around like crazy people. Because that is how concerts are supposed to be- and there's supposed to be a ton of energy and just a complete let go of inhibition.
I love him. He's my bestie- and I'm thinking we could hold hands and go anywhere.
On thursday we were walking and we had to cross the street- but the light was about to change, so we ran. When we got to the other side of the street I said, "lets kiss" in Korean, and he about flipped out. He was so excited. Then we walked for about a block- and that put the setting sun right over the back of Union Station Building. We have this rule that we have to kiss a little every time we see something breath taking. So that was a one.

...and luckily for me, I think like Rembrandt in the sense that I see the extrodinary in the ordinary.

Today... I tried to forget the past. So it was discovered that I put some things in a shoe box a while ago- and they've been sitting on a shelf collecting dust. Its not like I want to open the box. Its not like I even wanna see what's inside of it. Its not like I even wanna experience any of it ever again.

Something I wrote in a blog about 5 years ago was that all things captivating aren't always beautiful or sweet or perfect. What is really worth it sometimes is tough, cold, ugly, and imperfect. - you can catch a glimpse of art in all of that, too.
To me- this is what art is: that which is significant and captured, to view from one perspective, in an attempt to show others what the caught perspective is.

He and I were talking about weighing out decisions the other day. I told him to make a list of pros and cons- that which is advantageous and that which is a disadvantage, what will progress his goals and that which will be a detriment to his original plan. He then asked me if I swallowed a thesaurus...

I found that my educational plan isn't the one. Why do I have to try so many avenues to find only another dead end? At least now I know.

"she was mean" that's what he said she said. Empty it in the disposal. Because this is garbage.

Believe me, He doesn't want Jello.

This week has been insane.
I started my new schedule of classes and met all my instructors- I like them all, which is surprising. I'm only taking 4 classes- but I'm working like 25 hrs a week- so I feel like that's a fair balance when trying to keep everything in check. I'm taking: English 201, Art History, Music Appreciation, and Intro to Law. I'm pretty stoked to have started my program this semester. I feel like its going to be really intense but really worth it- I read five pages of case notes thursday during my travels- I learned like 5 or six new words, which was cool. Vocab is kind of an intense thing, when getting into your career- learning the lingo and all the jargon that has to do with different aspects of law.
I worked my new schedule- which meant that I was in the office by 8 every morning doing contracts and files. Full time on Tues and Thurs.
I did a some service and it felt good to give back a little.
By mid week I caught the flu... which was stupid- and I'm getting rid of the worst of it right now. Which means my weekend has been pretty uneventful.
This week was a fog- it went fast.

blurried images of remembrance. looking past further than just the past couple hours. wishing I could just turn off my brain and sleep rather than think. scrolling through images of the past year- phasing from one level of life to the next. Working harder these days to keep things in place. glancing down at my roots from time to time is a good reminder that I'm still touching the soil and the grainy rich dirt squishes between my pale girl toes. walking orchard paths barefoot with a lovers conversation as companion. sun shines brightly and as I look up to catch a glimpse of his brown eyes and sharp cheek bones, I can only look for a second because the brightness forces these lids shut.

I had that dream this week.

Something still haunt me, wishing they wouldn't I sing 'em pray 'em out.

"I wake up exhausted- its not morning. Its back to sleep- to redreaming"- Tegan & Sara