?

I am just wondering this: why, when such good things are happening, am I so pissed off today?



I'm pissed because I have to get a doctors note from missing work this week, so I have to spend money on the doctor, when I am losing money just by not working. Its my own fault, but still- I guess I'm pissed at myself for not going in today.



I'm upset because Zach's friend sarah made a joke about our relationship on facebook. - f that and the fact that she and I had a convo that was confidential and back in march she told zach some things that I said and caused a huge fight between us. I hate it when other people medle in my frienships/ relationships.



I'm annoyed that Jeremy and I were going to hang out- but his dad is in town and he can't now, but he wants to next week- I just wanted to see him tonight and get my closure so I don't have to worry about it anymore- and mend our frienship. that's all I wanted. and I'm annoyed that when he text me I quit breathing/ my heart stopped beating- why? I just don't get my heart and the way it works.



why can't i just shut my head off and be happy. Why do I have to process everything so scrupulously? I don't want to think, I don't want to feel, I don't want to plan. I just want to drive. is that a sin?



I gotta process it though. like why I am where I am... I'm pretty sure its because I realized how retarded I was for not being with someone who is everything that's really important to me, and that I care about a ton, and would have me- why would I not be in a relationship with this person?



a big part of me just wants to take my paycheck on friday and move back to indiana then- but... I have another month of rent on my agreement, and I haven't sold that yet.

I hate being an adult. Parts are good. But some parts of being a grown up really really suck.



like that ben folds song- still fighting it.





"everybody knows it sucks to grow up, and everybody does- its so weird to be back here, and lemme tell you what, the years go on- we're still fighting it, you're so much like me, I am sorry"



zach does this thing at the end of his texts sometimes :) luvs- honestly it makes me think of diapers. why? because that's a diaper brand.