OMG!

Here is everything: Zach and I have been kissing again. I'm not sure why, I'm convinved its because I'm PMSing and no matter how much you don't want to be touched, you want to be touched... its the most backwards and retarded part of being a girl, I pretty much hate it.
I got a henna tatoo and i love it.
Zach got mad at me for being nit picky tonight. Fair enough, I'm a huge bitch... I fee like a jerk, but I don't know how to be irritable, but refrain from acting like it... probably the most difficult part of this whole PMDD thing. This is my first month on the Birth Control and I am not convinced that its helping, It never seems like it does, but apparently this stuff takes like 3 months to fully regulate.

I miss Jeremy so freakin' much its ridiculous. I miss the way he touched me, cuz this kid doesn't do it like he did. I miss the way his mouth tasted, and felt like on my hips and on my lips. I miss him keeping everything simple. I miss his over macho manly man nature. I miss the fact that he took a shower and got ready for me every freakin' time he saw me. I miss that he cared enough to do that. I miss being intimate and feeling like I belonged there. I miss making out and having the feelings to support the action and not being completely repulsed. Maybe I just don't like Zach at all. Maybe thats the issue, and I used to but now that everything is all spelled out I don't. And because I fought it for a really long time I feel obligated to be there now that he likes me. Now that he wants me around. I honestly didn't know then what I know now. and it changes everything. And I hate the way that his friends comment about how cute we are together. I hate that he can make me laugh sometimes, when he isn't trying to be funny, but when he naturally is, and I crack up, I laugh really really loud. I hate that he can do that.

I hate this.....