Sometimes after church on sundays after a full spiritual day I come home and crash... not for 2 or 3 hours, but for 5. Its easy to do when there isn't anything pressing or plans so this is what I did today. I woke up at 10pm, wondering where my boyfriend was with a uber frowny face- but then I heard my roomate outside say "Zach Attack!!" and I exclaimed with much joy "yayayayayay!"
Then we read scriptures and had a good spiritual talk. I tucked him in and came home to my favorite Magazine- Real Simple. Why is this magazine amzing? It tugs on every part of womanhood- organization and house cleaning, emotion, fashion, thrift, choices. Tonight I discovered that they are having a writing contest and its prompt is this "I never thought I'd..." Couldn't there be a different prompt? I mean there's $3000- a two night stay in NYC- and a broadway show on the line here. Now I have to come up with something meaningful that I've done that I didn't think I would do. And I hate the word "I'd" probably the ugliest word in American English language. Oh well, we'll see if I come up with anything.
Just for the record- the twilight soundtracks are pheonomenal. I'm a connoisseur of soundtracks and they get 2 thumbs up and two big fatty toes tappin' as well!
Yesterday I woke up at ninethirty am to a handsome man with a dozen assorted roses on my doorstep, and as plans settled I ended up going to Lagoon. yea... an amusement park. I was kind of a wussbag (that's for you Ryan, if you're reading this) But I didn't throw up, and I didn't die- and I think I enjoyed it. The best part was seeing how much Zach enjoyed it. He loved it...the fun part is this- I see the genuine excitement in his face, but then I see him blow it out of proportion a little just to make it more fun. He cracks me up. I could, however, feel the momentum of the day when I closed my eyes. Which was kinda crazy.
Love life. Live life. And for goodness sake, Laugh at life.
8.20.2010
There's a Battle
and its between two four letter L words. who wins?
Can I just say I freakin' love God. I love the Holy Ghost- and I love the scriptures and I love prayer. I love the fact that when you do the right things on a normal basis, the right things become easy to do.
The funny thing is this- I can hear a clear cut battle going on in my head- even when I'd like to imagine that its not occuring. I feel as if sometimes I'm in the middle of a tug of war battle- but my feet are on the ground deciding which side to push for. Tonight, I win.
Daily for the past month virtue for virtue has been falling to the bottom of the hourglass. knock it over, turn back time. Put up your guns, cuz I'm ready to fight- for what's mine. Its called worthiness for a future that could be. Its called being able to deserve something that God wants to bless you with. Its called approval. I like it.
Can I just say I freakin' love God. I love the Holy Ghost- and I love the scriptures and I love prayer. I love the fact that when you do the right things on a normal basis, the right things become easy to do.
The funny thing is this- I can hear a clear cut battle going on in my head- even when I'd like to imagine that its not occuring. I feel as if sometimes I'm in the middle of a tug of war battle- but my feet are on the ground deciding which side to push for. Tonight, I win.
Daily for the past month virtue for virtue has been falling to the bottom of the hourglass. knock it over, turn back time. Put up your guns, cuz I'm ready to fight- for what's mine. Its called worthiness for a future that could be. Its called being able to deserve something that God wants to bless you with. Its called approval. I like it.
8.16.2010
laziness
So I've been overcome with laziness lately. My job search is endless. My love is romantic. I had two interviews fall through this weekend- ones that weren't my fault. How annoyingly sad huh?
I am looking forward to lunch with my lover. I love ray lamontange.
I wanna eat. and eat and eat and eat.
I wanna be a better person. I know its a journey, but I wish I would've arrived by now.
I wanna play piano/ guitar and sing the jazz.
mostly today I just want to nap. its hard to be motivated by fruitless searches.
....
I am looking forward to lunch with my lover. I love ray lamontange.
I wanna eat. and eat and eat and eat.
I wanna be a better person. I know its a journey, but I wish I would've arrived by now.
I wanna play piano/ guitar and sing the jazz.
mostly today I just want to nap. its hard to be motivated by fruitless searches.
....
8.12.2010
painting
torn, yet flawless. Morning light seeps in through a half open window and kisses the cheek of an angel. the effort to do what's right sometimes doesn't match up with what is easiest. faithfully holding strong to what has been promised with a wonder, when will relief come? why do I even deserve it?
this canvas is blank just waiting to be colored upon, but there is hesitation in the application of hues, there is planning and strategy to an artists perstpective- where should the juxtaposition be?
this canvas is blank just waiting to be colored upon, but there is hesitation in the application of hues, there is planning and strategy to an artists perstpective- where should the juxtaposition be?
8.09.2010
reaching for excellence
guess what! I think I'm converted. Cool huh? converted to what you ask? Only good things, like God's approval, and love. I'm back to seeking perfection rather than a lazy approach to goodness. what I can't do, is mess up my life, and someone elses that I love and act like everythings fine. Because that's super messed up. I love God so much and I love the gospel so much, and I love my best friend/ boyfriend so much. I can't wait until all the good things happen.
being a girl: taking the brunt of all the "when are you two going to get married?" questions.
my new favorite song: Taper Jean Girl, Kings of Leon :)
what can I even say- I'm feeling so speechless but here goes nothing.
Standing on the edge of something- like this afternoon, when I sat on a boulder that was on the perimeter of the Grand canyon. The sun was beating down- I could feel the UV rays penetrating my skin- off in the distance I see a wall of rain falling over the canyon, beating down on the river- I'm on the margin right? I want that rain. I want to feel the beads of water hit my bare arms and feet. I want it, the blessing of moisture- I see lightning strike. the storm passes by me without even a single drop of perfection for me. Is it selfish to have wanted that satisfaction from cold canyon rain? Was it wrong to have been dissapointed at not receiving it? Probably. This moment of question leads to introspection. If I had put myself on the right side of the canyon, maybe just maybe I could've been given the rain. The right side, not the left. Maybe if I take his name upon me. Maybe if I avoid trangression to blot his name out. Maybe if I recognize the name I've been called. Maybe if I stay sensitive to the still small voice I'll be put on the correct side of the canyon, I'll be led across the ravine, I'll be guided to excellence in complete and utter humility, in willingness to do all that I can.
being a girl: taking the brunt of all the "when are you two going to get married?" questions.
my new favorite song: Taper Jean Girl, Kings of Leon :)
what can I even say- I'm feeling so speechless but here goes nothing.
Standing on the edge of something- like this afternoon, when I sat on a boulder that was on the perimeter of the Grand canyon. The sun was beating down- I could feel the UV rays penetrating my skin- off in the distance I see a wall of rain falling over the canyon, beating down on the river- I'm on the margin right? I want that rain. I want to feel the beads of water hit my bare arms and feet. I want it, the blessing of moisture- I see lightning strike. the storm passes by me without even a single drop of perfection for me. Is it selfish to have wanted that satisfaction from cold canyon rain? Was it wrong to have been dissapointed at not receiving it? Probably. This moment of question leads to introspection. If I had put myself on the right side of the canyon, maybe just maybe I could've been given the rain. The right side, not the left. Maybe if I take his name upon me. Maybe if I avoid trangression to blot his name out. Maybe if I recognize the name I've been called. Maybe if I stay sensitive to the still small voice I'll be put on the correct side of the canyon, I'll be led across the ravine, I'll be guided to excellence in complete and utter humility, in willingness to do all that I can.
7.28.2010
never, ever, ever, ever leave you
to make you stay- i'll make you want to. not that I'm trying to, but you just can't ever, ever, ever go away. how do you say beyond worth in korean? cuz priceless just wasn't doing it for me anymore. these moments are golden and our love is dynamic. dynamic to what degree you ask? The winter branches, bare and brown against a crisp blue sky when the sun shines white on a cold day when you can see your breath. That is how dynamic.
Words these words- you've taken them from me. These are things I used to be good at- I could articulate things and express its normally unexpressable beauty- but this, oh, how untouchable this is. each day I search for new ways to say I love you- because those three words are used too much. But I can't, I'm stunned. I'm silenced and my once eloquent words are put to shame by what there is to behold. You say, i gotta make you want me so you'll never leave me. But I'll give you ten reasons why I'd never leave you anyway.
1) we fit like puzzle pieces from the clay
2) your eyes are golden brown with stone blue rims
3) you are my best friend in the whole wide world and I can tell you anything
4) i trust you, with my heart- with all of me
5) nothing, no decision I've ever made has ever felt as natural as the ones I am making with you
6) generally I can read your mind
7) usually when I tell you something you understand the motive to why I say it, so I don't have to explain it all
8) there is a sense of synergy in our relationship, that I'm sure most people don't experience
9) being in love with you puts me on a whole new time table
10) you make me want to be better
so the decision's final, I'm not going anywhere.
Words these words- you've taken them from me. These are things I used to be good at- I could articulate things and express its normally unexpressable beauty- but this, oh, how untouchable this is. each day I search for new ways to say I love you- because those three words are used too much. But I can't, I'm stunned. I'm silenced and my once eloquent words are put to shame by what there is to behold. You say, i gotta make you want me so you'll never leave me. But I'll give you ten reasons why I'd never leave you anyway.
1) we fit like puzzle pieces from the clay
2) your eyes are golden brown with stone blue rims
3) you are my best friend in the whole wide world and I can tell you anything
4) i trust you, with my heart- with all of me
5) nothing, no decision I've ever made has ever felt as natural as the ones I am making with you
6) generally I can read your mind
7) usually when I tell you something you understand the motive to why I say it, so I don't have to explain it all
8) there is a sense of synergy in our relationship, that I'm sure most people don't experience
9) being in love with you puts me on a whole new time table
10) you make me want to be better
so the decision's final, I'm not going anywhere.
7.25.2010
guess what
I'm back in Utah! I have been here for a couple of days now and I am having the time of my life. Zach is having a boys night which means that I am up to meaningless squanderings of time. sitting hanging with my, oh so cool, roomates. Life has been incredible.
Ok, so I got back to utah- had a job interview and I am pretty sure that I am going to get the job.
pretty sure my heart is spent, like someone else owns it. Zach has been amazing since I've been home. being away from eachother truely was difficult- but being together is like heaven, like literal heaven. yesterday we had like the greatest day ever. first thing, we woke up, ate breakfast- hung out, went grocery shopping, had a picnic and ate a delicious sandwhich, went on a hike in the mountains, ended at a beautiful waterfall- climbed underneath the waterfall and kissed while fountain spring water hit our faces. it tasted good- every part of that 10 minutes. :)
after that we went to a gas station and got ready and then we went to his parents. So I met his parents and his siblings and they all seemed really really cool- kind of cold and shy at first, but after we warmed up to eachother the night went really well, and I had a lot of fun. And I joked with his parents and his siblings. It was really cool. I really liked them, and i hope that I made a good impression.
Other than that- things have been mostly amazing. I wanted to go to the Temple today but apparently it's closed on pioneer day... lame. We sat on the grounds for like 30 minutes. It was good to just reflect and spend time with zach. do you want to vomit yet because I am so... "zach this, zach that" crazy eh? anyways, we're potentially planning our futures together- so that's fun.
song of the day: Criminal, by fiona apple
"what I need is a good defense cuz I'm feeling like a criminal- and I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against..."
Ok, so I got back to utah- had a job interview and I am pretty sure that I am going to get the job.
pretty sure my heart is spent, like someone else owns it. Zach has been amazing since I've been home. being away from eachother truely was difficult- but being together is like heaven, like literal heaven. yesterday we had like the greatest day ever. first thing, we woke up, ate breakfast- hung out, went grocery shopping, had a picnic and ate a delicious sandwhich, went on a hike in the mountains, ended at a beautiful waterfall- climbed underneath the waterfall and kissed while fountain spring water hit our faces. it tasted good- every part of that 10 minutes. :)
after that we went to a gas station and got ready and then we went to his parents. So I met his parents and his siblings and they all seemed really really cool- kind of cold and shy at first, but after we warmed up to eachother the night went really well, and I had a lot of fun. And I joked with his parents and his siblings. It was really cool. I really liked them, and i hope that I made a good impression.
Other than that- things have been mostly amazing. I wanted to go to the Temple today but apparently it's closed on pioneer day... lame. We sat on the grounds for like 30 minutes. It was good to just reflect and spend time with zach. do you want to vomit yet because I am so... "zach this, zach that" crazy eh? anyways, we're potentially planning our futures together- so that's fun.
song of the day: Criminal, by fiona apple
"what I need is a good defense cuz I'm feeling like a criminal- and I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against..."
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