grounded

I am feeling a dependence on someone other than myself coming on. I apparently can't get my life together. I can't even touch the ground. This humility is hanging over my head, if I could just give it up enough to take it in, I'd be in such a better place.
Repentence is the craziest thing, cuz you recognize your wrongs in the beginning and in the end, because of christ we are magically made whole again. But the only time we're ever whole is when we realized our reliance on him is key. Then mistakes come back again. Come back to visit, and you go through the process again and you wonder if you'll mess up again, then you forget the step where you promise not to do it again. This time I won't forget the step. I won't forget the part, where I promise not to do it again.

If every moving piece up in the sky, if I could just reach them, and pull them down and put them where they are supposed to be, then... then I might be able to make these things happen. I might be able to be successful in school, I might be able to eventually be prepared for marriage- see God keeps putting amazing choices in my life, but when he does- I'm not ready. I need to get ready.

school. guh. why is it like this? why does it make you feel so tired? Maybe its because you stay up half the night doing homework and then when your alarm goes off in the morning, you sleep straight through it. crap.